Friday, June 25, 2010

The hardest week of my life

Scott L. Toland 1955-2010

This has been by far the hardest week of my life. On Saturday June 19,2010 I got a call at 5am in Washington it was my uncle Ron. He was crying and he said "Remember how your dad was having trouble with his lungs... we lost him... I'm so sorry." My world has been a mess ever since then.
My dad had had a lung infection he had an EKG done ~ 3 weeks ago there were some strange waveforms that were thought to be caused by his cough syrup. He had a Pulmonary function test which showed COPD. He had been a life long smoker, although he had tried to quit many times he eventually started smoking again. An Echo cardiogram, I called to find the results dad had told me that there were not findings he was worried about. I knew he would have COPD so that was not a surprise to me.
On Saturday morning he went out to the couch to rest as he was having trouble breathing. He called my 'Lady'! (he always called her 'lady' that was her nickname. She woke up and came out. He asked her to go get the oxygen from his old EMT kit. They put it on him and then she asked if she should call 911. He told her she'd better. She called and then he asked her to move her car so the ambulance could get there. When she came in she found he had collapsed. She called 911 again and they had her start CPR. She was on the phone with them the whole time. She felt she was doing CPR forever eventually a paramedic came. Mom called her brother Ron, he came right up the ambulance took him to the hospital. They never got a pulse back they pushed every drug they could but he died.
Barlow and I left the house at 7am we drove all day to get back home to Altamont. I was in shock most of the time. I kept thinking I would wake up and this would all be a bad dream. I still keep thinking it is just a bad dream, that I'll wake up call him on the phone and he'll answer. We got to Altamont at 11pm Saturday night.
Everything has been a whirl wind since then. We planned the funeral picked out flowers. We had countless visits from family and friends.
We had a viewing in the evening on June 22nd. Then on June 23rd we had the a viewing in the morning and then the funeral.

Aunt Lori (Dad's sister) did the Eulogy and Haylee and I spoke. The opening hymn was:

If You Could Hie to Kolob, 284 – William W. Phelps

1. If you could hie to Kolob In the twinkling of an eye,
And then continue onward With that same speed to fly,
Do you think that you could ever, Through all eternity,
Find out the generation Where Gods began to be?

2. Or see the grand beginning, Where space did not extend?
Or view the last creation, Where Gods and matter end?
Me thinks the Spirit whispers, “No man has found ‘pure space,’
Nor seen the outside curtains, Where nothing has a place.”

3. The works of God continue, And worlds and lives abound;
Improvement and progression Have one eternal round.
There is no end to matter; There is no end to space;
There is no end to spirit; There is no end to race.

4. There is no end to virtue; There is no end to might;
There is no end to wisdom; There is no end to light.
There is no end to union; There is no end to youth;
There is no end to priesthood; There is no end to truth.

5. There is no end to glory; There is no end to love;
There is no end to being; There is no death above.
There is no end to glory; There is no end to love;
There is no end to being; There is no death above.

We almost broke up to pieces after that song.

My dad didn't sing all that much but he liked the song "16 Tons" by Tennessee Ernie Ford. After the song we had a bunch of men the family sing it. (Sung by: Barlow, Andrew, uncle Ron, Uncle Troy, Ryan, Matt, and Uncle Mike) They did such an great job.

Some people say a man is made outta mud
A poor man's made outta muscle and blood
Muscle and blood and skin and bones
A mind that's a-weak and a back that's strong

You load sixteen tons, what do you get
Another day older and deeper in debt
Saint Peter don't you call me 'cause I can't go
I owe my soul to the company store

I was born one mornin' when the sun didn't shine
I picked up my shovel and I walked to the mine
I loaded sixteen tons of number nine coal
And the straw boss said "Well, a-bless my soul"

You load sixteen tons, what do you get
Another day older and deeper in debt
Saint Peter don't you call me 'cause I can't go
I owe my soul to the company store

I was born one mornin', it was drizzlin' rain
Fightin' and trouble are my middle name
I was raised in the canebrake by an ol' mama lion
Cain't no-a high-toned woman make me walk the line

You load sixteen tons, what do you get
Another day older and deeper in debt
Saint Peter don't you call me 'cause I can't go
I owe my soul to the company store

If you see me comin', better step aside
A lotta men didn't, a lotta men died
One fist of iron, the other of steel
If the right one don't a-get you
Then the left one will


You load sixteen tons, what do you get
Another day older and deeper in debt
Saint Peter don't you call me 'cause I can't go
I owe my soul to the company store


Dad was one of the hardest working men I know he put his all into everything he did. This song just fits him somehow. He worked so hard all his life, and he was so full of love for everyone.

We then had some open mic time and some folks got up and spoke. We had the graveside. He rests at the Mountain Home/Bonita (sp?) cemetery. He did not like our local Upalco cemetery it isn't well kept up. The caretaker of the mountain home cemetery was a working buddy of my dad. They were really good to us.


This week has been so crazy for me. I feel numb or terrible and there doesn't seem to be an end in site. But even through this I just have to keep having faith in Christ's atonement
We have been so blessed by such helpful family. I am in really touched by all the condolences that have come from people far and wide. We had so many visitors at times I was overwhelmed but when I look back on it... It's so wonderful that that so many people loved my dad and were willing to travel and take the time to pay their respects.

Thank you to all who have been so supportive and such a blessing at this difficult time.

6 comments:

Just Me said...

Keep all those memories close in your heart. Scott taught you well - he will be with you when you need him. I really do believe that. You and Haylee did an excellent job at the funeral. He is proud as always. We do love you!

The Poll Family said...

Lex, I'm so sorry to hear of the passing of your father. You continue to be in my thoughts and prayers, may you be comforted during this incredibly difficult time.
xoxo,
Jeni

Sunnishine said...

So sorry Lexie. What a shock. Love and prayers.

exclusive_remedy said...

I realize this must be a terrible time for but I am glad that you have faith in Christ and his atonement. You have been in my thoughts and prayers. Love you tons girl! *hugs*

Via Ferrata said...

I am so sorry. My thoughts are with you and your family.

Elayous said...

I love the top pic of dad Lex. Can I get you to send me a copy of it? It just looks like dad (you know what I mean).