Sunday, August 1, 2010

home again

Barlow and I came out this last weekend for a family reunion. It was my dad's family so we knew it would be hard for me, due to dad's death. My Grammy was in charge of it this year and I knew I needed to go to support her. I did surprisingly well, I loved seeing the family members of my childhood. It was nice to know that even after my dad is not here on earth his family is still my family. I don't know why I was so scared that I would loose them too. But a small part of me feared they wouldn't have as much to do with me without dad. I now know that my involvement with them is my responsibility but if I reach out to the they will reach back.
My dear mom came as well of course it was so hard for her. She has so many memories with those people that all involve my dad. It was hard for all of us. But whereas Haylee and I have spent time with them on our own without dad she hasn't spent much time there on her own. I am so proud of her for facing something so scary and so hard. She is so strong. I look at her and think ' my mom is a strong woman, I have some of her in me, this means I can be a strong woman too.'
My poor husband was overwhelmed to remember the names of all these family members he has never met. But he did very well.
We are now at mom's house and are going to work on picking up some of the slack. My dad isn't here to do all the many things he used to do around the house. He's irreplaceable but I hope we can take some of the weight off my mom's shoulders this week.
Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever feel 'normal' again. I think I will have to adjust to a new sort of 'normal'.

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